Mom for 17 years!!!

Not sure if it’s a mid life crisis or WHAT that I’m going through.. MAYBE starting early menopause... or just over this mommy over load..


But I am not myself, I’m having hot flashes, don’t feel like I’m connected with anything , my mood is ever changing and I’m just mentally drained lol but for real .....

I want to be selfish and do me, I’ve been a mom my whole life! As much as I love living for them iI have to also lI’ve for ME. I haven’t grown to know myself. During your 20’s most people are moving through life trying to figure out who they are and what they want. Me I was raising a child, so my needs always came second. During my 20’s I learned how to be selfless, how to pay bills, how to parent how to accept a mistake and How to make sacrifices . Looking back it seems to be why my relationships didn’t work. Where I was at mentally MOST boys my age were just not there yet. No harm no foul . We just weren’t on the same level yet.


Every thing I did I had to stop and think how it would affect my child. While I was modeling and doing videos I had to make sure I wasn’t doing to much even though it’s “acting” I always have to wonder will my daughter see this. Will her teachers or friends parents see it. Not that I cared but just so it would not harm her! Never was able to just go out and do things FREELY!


During years of being single I def got to learn the single me BUT that still came in between being a mother.. Once I had Kayden it was like starting all over again with different parenting levels having an 8 year old girl and new born boy. At that point I was trying to figure out balancing parenting to 2 different types of kids! They are both really only children lol...


It’s like I don’t know how to be anything other than MOM. There have been times where friends have ask me to go out of town and I’ll be like “with kids” lol noooo ma’am ... Again it’s just ALL I know smh


Long story short I’m working on allowing myself to NOT feel guilty for taking time out for me and what I need and like. Something us moms need to do more often!! GO DO YOU MOMS, everything will align perfectly when you are 100 full!!!!

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