Updated: May 22, 2020
Meet Jessica, read her story about her own adoption and what it takes to raise 7 children.
What age did you find out the story behind your adoption? And would you mind sharing with the readers?
I found out a very young age that I was different, not because my parents told me I was adopted but because of the way I looked back in the early 90s. It was very different, scary to other kids that my eyes didn’t look exactly like theirs or my face was flat . I would go to my mom crying not understanding why and so my mama just told me because that’s the way God made you and God gave me you , but not really explaining to much. But deep down inside I always had this feeling I knew I was different than the rest of my family I just couldn’t understand why. I was around age 9-10 when my mom finally sat me down and brought me some of my stuff out of a box and did her best to explain that I was adopted.
I have abandonment issue that I really didn’t know existed until I was older! Did you suffer from this growing up?
Absolutely, 100%. I love my mother and father I am forever grateful for them taking that leap and adopting a crazy little girl from Korea at 18 months old. I am forever grateful for them!! But what I’m about to say is how I truly feel. Growing up and always knowing and feeling that something was different about myself, the constant reminders of being made fun of because you didn’t look like everybody else in your class it begin to wear on myself. My parents gave me a good life a stable life, they still live in the house that I grew up in today. Please don’t take what I’m about to say in a bad way but the emotional needs of a child and needs I never addressed. Back to the abandonment question I felt like I was missing something for a very long time it felt like a dark hole that just grew and grew inside of me for a very time, for my mother a mother I never knew a mother I never met but I just longed for her so badly. And to this day at the age of 33 I still long for her, to be here for all my life milestones having kids getting married, failing at times, calling her to just have her there. Being a child a teenager and going through things I would get angry at my birth mother I couldn’t understand why she would just leave me the way she did.. Even to this day I still feel abandoned and still struggle emotionally with that awful feeling, and loneliness is the hardest feeling in the world even as an adult. I am not for sure if it is worse now that I’m a mother or if it’s lightened up or not but the one thing that has helped me is my kids and that’s what has helped heal a lot of that pain. But I think even as I go through this journey of life it’s still haunts me the abandonment of how do I heal how do I close this I wish I could just see my mom a picture or something to help close this wound of abandonment.
Knowing your back story, did this have any affect on you having kids? If so in what way (good or bad)
Absolutely I knew I wanted to have kids right away, I knew I wanted to have a big family.
A little backstory is I grew up with my sister and a brother but they were 10 and 14years
older than me. By the time I came into the picture I was a baby and growing up I was really alone they had their own issues of learning their paths in life and they had kids young and my parents let them all live with us and their kids which are my nieces and nephews became my my kids. They would be busy working or issues with relationships and I was the one taking care of these kiddos. So I guess you could say I grew up really lonely and then when my brother and sister started having kids and they live with me I really fell in love with them they were what help fill that black hole of feeling abandoned and not wanted, because I felt that way in my family a lot and I don’t mean this in a bad way but I always felt like the outcast my mom can tell me till she’s blue in the face that she did not love me any differently than her other children but I had a very hard time with that because of actions shown to me. Sometimes I felt like I was just this gross person in the family that they just had to tolerate. Because of the loneliness I struggled a lot with anxiety and depression. I feel like everything I try to do is never good enough and I know I sound like the typical teenager here. But my mom did tell me that she thought my father was always harder on me than the other ones and she was sorry for that and again my parents took care of all of my physical needs but not the emotional ones. My family never used to say I love you. But to answer the question yes I wanted to have kids and that kind of affected me at a young age because after my nieces and nephews moved out I was back at that feeling lonely and just by myself again with that big black hole inside and I ended up looking for love in all the wrong places and I ended up pregnant right before my 15th birthday and I argued with my parents that I was going to keep her and they are very religious. As time went on they began to accept what was going on and they did their best to support me through the pregnancy.
How many kids do you have?
I have seven they are all mine, I have four boys and three girls and one said those are twins boy girl.
What has been the best thing about being a mother?
Breaking the pattern is the best thing about being a mother! My biological mother or somebody that love me held onto me for at least 9 months we were told, because somebody or my mother put me in a field near a church in Hanyang South Korea. My mother always told me that my biological mom had to of loved me because of the way she must’ve tried her hardest to take care of me for the nine months. The hardest thing was with children that are abandoned sometimes biological mother will leave a note with an age and date of birth a letter last name even in hopes of seeing their children again one day. And maybe this goes back to the one question about abandonment but my mother never left anything on me so I play all the scenarios out of why was I a blank slate at nine months old was there a situation where she had to pick me up and leave and didn’t have time and I couldn’t leave one single piece of information on me! But back to breaking the pattern is what is the best thing about being a mom I don’t know why my biological mother did what she did, I know that my adopted mother wanted another baby and maybe it was something she wanted but emotionally I don’t know if she was ever ready for that. But I try to tell myself that with these two women in my life I am very lucky they both loved me in a motherly way. But it’s now my turn of breaking that pattern with my children and giving them everything emotionally they need making sure that they know how to be OK some day to be alone, making sure they know how to cope in bad situations and bad breakups, horrible times but they can still find those happy times even in those bad times !!!!! I love the fact of being a mother and hearing my kids say the best present in the world is time with each other.!!! I love the fact of breaking the pattern with my kids and showing them time is the best thing in the world handwritten letters, hand picked flowers, handmade gifts and those things mean more to anyone then any amount of money in this world.
If you could say anything to your birth mother what would it be?
First I would hug her and squeeze her, look at her face, then I would say to her thank you. I would tell her thank you for the sacrifice she did by placing me in that field, I would tell her that I love her more than she ever knows but I would tell her thank you because the amount of pain she had to probably feel or endure after placing her nine month old daughter in a field with an unknown outcome and having that over her head to the day she dies is probably an awful black cloud that follows you through life. But I would tell her thank you and that she did the right thing because now I have seven beautiful children to show, the sacrifice that she made and I will tell her that everything was OK and to have peace!
Do you have any advice for women who may have been abandoned at birth and are scared to become mothers based off their past?
My advice to any mothers who have faced a situation of being abandoned at birth is breaking the pattern it’s not easy it’s a path of unknowns tell your kids that you love them I grew up never hearing that. I grew up that way with feeling alone not wanted by my biological mother and also with my adoptive parents emotionally they were not there. One thing I’ve learned is no matter how we raise our kids all we can do is raise them and break the pattern.