So we all know 2020 was a rough year for everyone, I’m not exaggerating when i say “Thank God it’s over”...
If you follow my blog than you know I’m VERY open with my post, it’s very therapeutic for me and hopefully for you as readers! So let me dive into this quick therapy ....
This past weekend made me realize I haven’t fully dealt with what happened to me in 2020. We were at my little cousins basketball game when my other little baby cousin who I’ve only seen 3 times in his 7 months of life (thanks to Covid 🙄) was starring at me with a little grin. Once he finally got out of his car seat and I was able to hug him, he hugged me so tight. It kind of caught me off guard. When I released he kept holding on. At the time I didn’t realize why it touched me sooo much that it had me in tears.
But then it hit me, babies and dogs are great at reading people and he clearly could feel I needed some love.
Rewind to the end of last year, I found out that I was with child. I wasn’t the most happiest finding out. Again as I’ve mentioned in a previous post if I was to have another one I’d have 3 baby daddies and whew that’s just a lot lol. Yes I’d like to be married but if not it was what it was. Then the thought of how spread apart my kids are. I have a 16 and 8 year old, so did I really wanna do that all over again. Hell I already did it once.
But as time went on I began to be ok with having another child. I mean I love being a mother it’s my most important job. So I told my self no matter what I’ll be ok. Soon as I starting getting happy BOOM I start having issues, since I had been through this earlier in the year I already knew what was happening but I didn’t want to believe it. Finally made it into my OBGYN and yes another Miscarriage. I could not even hold it in once they confirmed it. Almost out of my first trimester, I was so close to being in the clear.
Due to my Thyroid issues, my doc told me to have them checked again to see if they are getting worse because it’s more than likely what’s causing the miscarriages. I’m actually sitting in the Endocornologist waiting to be seen as I write this!
My body was working over time last year, with all the ups and downs of already having Thyroid issues then being pregnant and having a miscarriage twice in a year was SOOO much on me. All while trying to be a mother, girlfriend, build my blog keep up with the house and work. Whewww many wouldn’t understand. But I had to keep my game face on and keep pushing no matter how hard it was. I guess keeping my poker face on was becoming too much!
For anyone who’s reading this and has been through a miscarriage I encourage you to talk about it, DO NOT hold back any emotions you’re going through because they will start to weigh on you. And if you feel like you don’t have anyone that you think will understand you can contact me and I’ll listen. Hell if you just need to write them in a journal, get it out!!!! I know it helps me out a lot.
Needless to say the small tears i shed from my baby cousin embracing me REALLY healed me and I pray and hope if you’re hurting from a miscarriage that you find some healing 💖
To be continued: (follow up from Endocornologist coming soon)
Comment below!! Let’s talk